Heal Your Younger Self & Dare to be Visible!
At age eleven I hit puberty. This resulted in all the lovely changes a young girl's body goes through, along with changes to my skin.
I was living every young girl's nightmare!
The first pimple I ever got sprouted on a class trip at Camp Cameron. There it was: my first ever white, pussy pimple on the tip of my nose. I remember someone telling me not to pick to prevent scarring, so I left the puss filled beast on the tip of my nose for the duration of the camping trip. This sent my confidence down the toilet and my anxiety skyrocketing to a whole new level (though back then no one talked about anxiety, so I didn’t know what to call the icky feeling in my gut).
After the horrific first pimple experience my skin only got worse, developing into severe acne on my forehead throughout middle school. It looked like a rash had spread across my whole forehead. This made me go inward wanting to hide from the rest of the world. It limited me from wanting to try new things, start new friendships at school and ultimately, made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Looking in the mirror I knew I was a beautiful person, but it was hard to see past the red rash on my face. This made me feel unwanted, insecure and self conscious in everything I did.
I wanted so bad to have clear skin, but nothing I tried helped. My mother took me to a Naturopath, who prescribed an elimination diet and herbs. The family doctor wanted to put me on birth control, but my mother refused to allow her eleven year old to be on birth control. I tried everything from different cleansers, topical creams and homeopathic remedies ranging from spreading raw egg and urine on my face (how embarrassing).
NOTHING WORKED…
So I hid behind a mask of cover up which was actually making the problem worse. Finally at age sixteen when I started being sexually active and went on birth control, my skin started to clear (not that this is the solution - rather another mask for the problem). Either way - I felt SO RELIEVED!
Being able to feel confident in your skin is a huge game changer!
I hope you all can find the confidence to be proud of who you are and comfortable to show the true you! It takes work … but you can get there. I know you can!
The acne remained at bay through the rest of my teen years. I began having babies at the young age of twenty two, so for six years my skin was in the CLEAR! It remained to behave itself through pregnancy and nursing, but after I was done having babies and my husband had a vasectomy there was no reason to be on the pill anymore. Plus I have a family history of cancer and worried that continuing to take the pill would put me at greater risk for breast cancer.
You guessed it - my acne came back when I stopped taking birth control pills. This caused me to have to relive the insecurities of my teenage self as an adult. This time, instead of a rash spreading across my forehead, it came on strong along my jawline (hormonal acne). Now I was struggling with my self confidence as a woman in her mid-late 20s, which heightened every other insecurity within myself.
What I wish I would have known back then:
None of the “experts” had ever addressed the fact that emotional issues often cause acne. Later in life I found out that acne can be our body’s way of begging us to release emotional trauma. Situations I had gone through as a child that I didn’t even realize were affecting me were showing up as acne. Instead, my Mom tried to find an exterior solution for me (bless her for trying) and my Dad asked if I had “ate too much chocolate”. This did nothing to help me let things go or gain self confidence, but we don’t know what we don’t know.
I love my parents and I know they did their best, but I don’t think they realized the constant talking about my skin did NO HELP for my confidence.
Through gaining an understanding of what my younger self needed and with no help from medical professionals, it’s not shocking that I ended up marrying who I married and made the choices I did. I have no regrets, however I am trying to do a better job of preparing my daughters for their futures. I want them to know that their feelings are valid and should be expressed. They should feel seen and heard. I want them to have the confidence to stand on their own two feet, never feeling like anything is out of their control, or that they need someone else to survive.
This website and these blogs are dedicated to my girls, and all the women and girls out there who want to be more visible. Always remember you are beautiful and you are worth being seen and heard!!
Are you ready to move past your teenaged acne, or any childhood trauma?
The first step is identifying what caused you to want to hide. Grab a pen and your notebook to write your answers:
Is there something or someone from your childhood that made you want to be less visible?
What would you tell your 10 or 12 year old self?
What does your 10 or 12 year old self want you to know about going after what you truly want?
