The Season of Change
This weekend was spent out camping in the bush with a close friend. The leaves are changing quickly and I thought about how the smell and colors of Fall bring me a comfort and feeling of home. I love the summer and am not a huge fan of the cold, long winters we have here but something about Fall stirs up some emotions.
Throughout my adult life I have had a hard time finding a place of my own that feels like home. I haven’t spent many years in one house but the Fall leaves made me realize the first place to feel like home was an acreage where I lived with my ex husband. We were living on the acreage when I decided to leave my marriage.The acreage connected me back to my roots. It made me realize that the life I was in and building to make was one that made me feel lost and disconnected from the real me.
A photo of me from this weekend. This is my happy place! My feet in the water, exploring new areas with my King Charles Spaniel, Chip.
Yet, while writing this I realize when I feel the most connected to home and my roots I often pull away and feel the need for change... so did this connection bring me back to who I truly was, or did it wake me up to remind me that I am meant for more? Perhaps the life I was living on the acreage with my ex made me feel more connected to the lonely childhood I had (being raised an only child). Now living a lonely existence as a stay at home mom and wife to a husband who I wasn’t connected to. I’d lost the feelings of fulfillment and purpose - or had they ever been there?
Take some time for yourself to heal your inner child and help discover who you truly are. Find a friend that connects with your roots and just gets it! Spend time with people who lift you up and give you a little kick in the pants when you need it!
That Fall I decided to start doing things I wanted to do and explore more of my passions. Both of these times the feeling of loneliness pushed me towards a life of new beginnings and exploration (leaving the farm and starting adulthood and leaving my marriage and the acreage)…It woke me up to the fact that I am not someone who can live by the rulebook and do the same thing over and over everyday for the rest of the foreseeable future. I am an explorer. I love to see and try new things. I am a woman who yearns for change and challenges. Maybe the quiet little farm girl that everyone thought I was, was just a mask of perfection I was putting on to please those around me- something I’ll save for another blog post. Connecting to my roots made me feel tied down and trapped, but it also made me pursue my passions. I decided to take a Health Coaching course that was a complete game changer in my life. I took the course thinking it was going to lead me down a path of being able to help others. Instead it shone a light on my own life and woke me up to reality. It made me look at my life as a whole and made me realize there were so many things that didn’t align with the future I wanted to have. I wanted to experience so much more and grow so much more as a person. I wanted real connection and love in my life.
The idea of perfection weighed heavy and staying the same was no longer an option. My inner child wanted to run away from the feelings of loneliness. Adult Laura wanted to feel at home. The acreage supported that feeling but it just wasn’t with the right person. Though I will always love the country, the quiet and something familiar. The future me knows that I need something a little more out of the box!
Fall brings me back to the changes I have been brave enough to make. It also brings me back to a happy memory of childhood now that I have been able to deal with some things from my past and accept it for what it was. It makes me excited to see what this season of change will bring this time around!
What feelings does the word change bring up for you? Are you comfortable with change? If there was something this season of change could bring for you what would you want it to be and what is one step you could make today to lead you in that direction?
If you could change something in your life that allowed you to learn and grow what would it be?
How does your adult self view things differently than your inner child and what beliefs are you still hanging onto that may not be benefiting you anymore?